stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
whose parrot is this?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
