Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
why do cheetos always look like penises
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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