I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
