with your own penis?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
