I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
