don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
