There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
