Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
