I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
