the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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