she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
