I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
