evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
