at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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