i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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