I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
