hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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