I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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