....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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