Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
