what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize