I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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