this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
