i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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