I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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