Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
