We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize