I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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