I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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