i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
