drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize