i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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