I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
