is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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