Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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