Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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