my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
