Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
ok first of all what the fuck
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
