So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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