Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
