Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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