I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
