38 yer olds are good kisserssss
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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