Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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