turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
