Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize