That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
