I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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