butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
