Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
this just has baby written all over it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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