he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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