He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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