its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
