My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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