My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
