I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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