I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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