You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
