i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
