if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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