i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
