If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
