Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
