Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
one two three fourrrrnication!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
