im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
