P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
