pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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